Realize..

Today was a bit rough for me. I was feeling down in the dumps. Maybe it was my lack of sleep or maybe it was the reasons behind my lack of sleep that had me feeling like shit. You know, there are multiple sides to every story. For some reason, we humans have a hard time comprehending stories that we haven't created. Anyway, I am not going to share too much with the wall today. I'm slowly trying to heal and recover. What I will share is that I'm starting to look at the glass as a quarter full instead of three quarters empty. I have a few people in my corner who do value me as a person and I need to focus on them instead of focusing on the ones that I don't have. Today, the one person who wiped my tears, rubbed my back, and offered to take me out of the house is the same person who I spent the past few days hating. I truly appreciate him eventhough we have this love hate relationship. Too bad my heart is with the one person who isn't able to take care of it. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy my night with one of the few friends I have who genuinely cares about me. I can tell because he puts his feelings aside for my well-being. Hopefully tomorrow will be a more interesting post.

In closing.. "Get what you want, what you need, what you deserve.. & make sure you give it back to the universe. Recycle your blessings."

Pondering @ 4am

Waking up to a txt, from a person I barely hear from, that reads.. "Missing you in a different way so I can't hang because you are not good for me." Wow. What beautiful pain and honesty. How does one respond to such a txt? We were each others bestfriends during our relationship although it was a very unhealthy one. A simple invite to the beach turned into a whirl wind of memories. It's over for me. I don't like to move backward. I prefer to travel paths never travelled. But what she can't know and will never understand is the depths of my love for her. She was such a delicate flower. I tried to water, protect, and nurture her but that wasn't supposed to be my job. I wasn't stable enough mentally to teach some one else how to be stable. It was an overwhelming task that caused necessary heartache. Today, I'm improved because of her and the innocent affection she had and needed to have for me. Slowly understanding my role on this planet with every failed relationship. Seems I'm here to assist others in gaining their happiness usually at the expense of my own. You know what, that's okay. I'm made pretty damn tough. Durable, rugged and filled with enough love to fall in it and keep myself protected. All these honest emotions from everyone makes me feel like my knight(ess) must be arriving soon. Life is clearing the path so that I can welcome him/her with wide open arms. Well atleast that is what I'm telling myself. If not, I will just continue encouraging others to do better and get better because they deserve better. And while my heart breaks with every failed attempt, I'll wait for the rain to fall and heal me so that I can get up and try again. I love, love but who will love me? Unconditionally...

Goodnight