Short & sweet

I'm opening my heart back up to the universe. It hasn't fully healed and I haven't let go completely but I'm refusing to keep myself guarded. I was asked "how can you be presented with a good man if you continue to hold onto a bad one?" Excellent reality invoking question. Why did I hold on so long? Well, I was given a taste of something I had been craving. I wanted to have that back. I was addicted to that initial high. But just like crack, you never get that first high back. You just keep chasing and chasing until you're fucked up in the game. I'm in rehab. Crack is wack. When you realize some one you love doesn't love you the same way, it causes a detoxing whirlwind. My emotions were all over the place. I was up, I was down, I was happy, I was sad, I was pissed, I was understanding, I felt self pity, I felt self hatred, I can go on and on. The bottom line is this, when you know, you know. Don't be afraid to trust yourself and let go. If it is not your fault, then don't carry the weight of blame. I did everything the way I was supposed to do it. It just didn't work. By next week, I'll be over it. I have taken my life back. I am working on taking my thoughts back. The man who deserves me will be presented to me very soon. He will be able to love me at my worst and flow with me at my best. He will not feel the need to overpower me because he will be secure enough in his manhood that no matter how strong I may seem, he will know his place as head of the household. He will love my free spirit and my insightful nature and he will encourage me to read more. He will be emotionally giving and sensitive enough to feel my feelings without feeling like he is any less of a man. Most importantly he will value my individuality and love the fact that this independent woman needs him. My man will know my worth and won't give me up for any other man to have. I will love him equally. I will see his strengths and help improve his flaws. I will accept what he doesn't want to change and I won't hate him for putting his foot down. I will embrace his dreams and support his decisions. Oh my God, as I type this I'm feeling happy and excited. I'm so eager to embark on this journey. In the meantime, I will work on mending my heart. I'm done wasting time on a guy who isn't truly worth it. It's funny, in the beginning when he asked me if he was worth it, I told him I couldn't answer that question. Now if he were to ask me, I'd say "hell no". Like flava flava said, "YOUR TIME IS UP". I waited long enough for him to fix the problem and come around. He didn't so I know it is over.