Who Am I!? I'm Venting..

Today a question was asked on some one's Facebook status: "Are you black or African American?"

My adrenaline started rushing.. I began to tense up a bit. I had to take a deeeeeep inhale as I stared at the computer screen. I began to feel this intense yearning to respond. So I did.
"I'm both."
That was my simple yet completely true answer. Once I pressed enter, I felt relieved until I read some one else's response. A response that showed annoyance
I turned to my two white co-workers and then asked, "You two as white women, do you get offended if some one was to identify you by the color of your skin? Meaning, if some one said '....the white girl with the blonde hair.'" They both said no, it isn't a big deal to them. One proceeded to ask me would I get offended if some one was to identify me as the black girl in the room. I answered no I wouldn't but some people do. Some people actually do find it offensive to be identified by their race or the color of their skin or their nationality or ethnicity or whatever the hell being called black or white identifies…. But to me, it is just like being differentiated from a male or a person who is tall or has long hair, it is a part of me. A part of me that I’m fighting to not be ashamed of, A part of me that has a struggle attached to it, A part of me that separates me from yellow people, white people, and green people.
Anyway, I just needed a moment to vent. My brain is filled with stereotypes for all races. One thing that I can’t stand though is white people who pretend not to notice the struggle or pretend that certain statements are overly offensive unnecessarily. Stop hiding. Some stereotypes are actually fitting and we don’t have to ignore or turn a blind eye to them.

Enlightenment

"Nothing can dim the light which shines from within."

Hearing the twilight zone theme song playing in the background; I felt crazy for a while now. In my brain crawled millions of tiny ants. My eyes couldn't focus. When I stared at my target, the lens was blurry. I couldn't see clearly, but now BULLSEYE! I see the word "Enlightenment".

I was trying to zoom in on the wrong thing. I was begging for junk food while my body was fighting for nourishment. That didn't matter, the taste was so good. so temporary but so good. so unhealthy, but so. damn. good. 21 days to break a habit. Lies, blasphemy, nonsense. 1 moment, 1 thought, 1 realization to stop the constant banging in my head, the constant banging of my head into a brick wall. One deep inhale, eyes closed, looking deep into my soul followed by one exhale to allow my eyes to open and be amazed at how clearly I can see.

Enlightenment isn't an outside entity that suddenly goes off like a light bulb above your head. Enlightment comes from within. (The attainment of spiritual knowledge or insight, esp. (in Buddhism) that which frees a person from the cycle of rebirth.) I don't want to be born again. I want to live for the very first time. I want to live freely. I want to feel ALIVE. I found my insight that was lost to outsight, out side searching for what was never there because I have it all in here.

PEACE!