I am My Sisters' Keeper

Wake up my sister
Pink Brown and Gold
The time is moving forward
Age is growing old

Don't hide yourself in darkness
The curtains are drawn
You have light in your heart
Happiness will be born

We have work to do
No room for misery and depression
Lean on my shoulder
While we find your passion and aggression

(will try to finish later)........

I am my sisters' keeper. I will not beat you down. My promise is to cheer you up. No fraudulent lies just honesty and truth. I won't steal from you. I promise to you generosity when you're in need. I won't judge you only encourage. I love you for your difference; I love you for your similarity. I may not give you money but I promise you empowerment. I have faith in you my sisters of various colors. I won't be able to climb to the top for you but I will hold the ladder.

My personal mission statement... I am my sisters' keeper. Life doesn't promise an easy journey or a smooth ride. The potholes, the rubble, and the missing directions make for a traumatic experience if done alone. Don't be afraid my sister, I'm in the passenger seat. I'm on the phone, reading you the directions from Google. No worries, I lent you my gps. And if you need a break, I have an extra room just for you.

fear

I am me. That is that.
But I'm scared. I'm scared of who I am. I'm scared of my feelings, my experiences, I'm scared of me. I am not a perfectly constructed jewel wrapped up all fancy and packaged in a cute little box tied together with a pretty little ribbon. I'm Bee Gee. I'm a naturally made stone corroded by experience, polished by life, and packaged by education in a gift bag with tissue paper. & I'm so damn scared. I've been judged, ignored, hated, loved, admired, respected, disrespected, insulted, praised, and all that confusion jumbled all up in my brain smothers me. Smothers my freedom to just be me.

Self Help

The journey to emotional wellness isn't an easy one. I have not arrived. I'm still trekking toward my final destination. Some days are better than others but most days are no where near as bad as they have been. I'm grateful.
As I continue to travel toward the top of my mountain, I pick berries with more confidence. I have learned which ones are edible and which ones are poisonous. I have learned to trust my judgement. What once seemed too risky, is now done fearlessly and with faith. I'm still cautious about hidden obstacles, but I figure, I'll worry about them when they're presented to me. At times, I feel all alone and find myself filling up with sadness. I haven't yet figured out the best way to handle it. Sadness.... Hmmm.. Mr. Sadness loves to join me unexpectedly. Soon I will either learn to welcome him without the feeling of annoyance or he just won't want to come around anymore... To be continued

Fairy Tale Night Mare

I met a man today.
I'm addicted to you
His name is rejection.
I'm addicted to you
His poles are magnetic.
There is no cure
I love him already.
There is no cure
Pain found in his eyes
I'm addicted to you
There my soul will live.
I'm addicted to you
Forever
There is no cure
There is no cure

I dried my tears long ago
But my heart still cries and cries.
I'm hypnotized by his pain
I'm addicted to his reflection
There is no cure for this
I've fallen in love already.

He hasn't given me anything, nothing of what I've asked. But no matter how bad I hate him, I just want him more and more. His denial will never let him know how I really love him. He lives true to his name. His name is rejection and my heart lives in his pain.

Over & Out Mr. Arrogant

Lesson

giving a *BIG SMILE* as I say "HELLO".

My spirit and my mind are going through changes which are causing my body to feel funny. I'm feeling anxiety, happiness, excitement, nervousness, discomfort and of course moments of anger (my comfort emotion) all at the same time.
As I laid on my couch, tired and sleepy, my chest had that feeling of Oh... My... God... You know the tightness that takes over right at the moment of a sudden drop? That's how I felt at bedtime last night. My eyes were barely able to stay open yet my heart was racing as if I was on a rollercoaster. My life is changing. My world is changing. I realize wonderful, amazing, great things are happening that (a moment of realization) I have no control over. I'm loving it!
I know I have prayers and mediations regarding me coming from all over the world. SHOUT OUT to you spectacular people YOUR WELL WISHES ARE WORKING. Thank You.

Now for the meat and potatoes...
Embracing the imperfections of others- My one and only goal for the day. Again, I was awaken by the screams and the crying of a baby next door. At 5 in the morning, I must add. I wanted to bang on the wall and yell "Shut that Damn baby up!" until it dawned on me that maybe I just need to relax. I know the girl is going through something and she has her kids living in a studio apartment with her uncle. That can't be the best situation for any of them. Their imperfect situation may cause me some discomfort but I have my own space. (although Cody makes it hard for me to sleep comfortably by taking up all my leg room) Instead of complaining, I did what any normal person would do, I got on Facebook. Ha, but Facebook got me good. I immediately became disgusted at a picture a college bud had posted. It was a pic with two wrist and two razor blades. It was an image showing the right and wrong ways to slit your wrist. I felt my blood bubbling and my head getting ready to explode. I took a deep breath and commented on how horrible the pic was and how not funny he was to post it. His lack of knowledge and sensitivity is his problem. No he isn't perfect, so I needed to let go of the irritation and just educate him to the best of my ability. I also need to be prepared to accept whether he wants to be educated or not. Anyway, my lessons are starting early. Bring it! I am a good student so I'm ready. Have a great day people. Oh yea, excuse my typos. I'm not perfect. ;)