Sprinkling you with words that confuse
Beauty to the eye
Pain to the heart
Sprinkling you with words that blind
Celebrating your hurt
Hiding behind my wounds
Sprinkling you with words that bruise
Loving you at a distance
Hating you up close
I'm sorry I didn't love you the way you deserved.
To You,
My lost love.
My broken-hearted companion.
The most beautiful being I've ever be blessed with, I must say "I'm sorry".
Dear my former beloved,
You loved me and I didn't see it. I'm sorry. You wanted me and I didn't feel it. I'm sorry. Not knowing the depth of your heart, the willingness of your soul, I hurt you in a way that words can't be told. I'm sorry. I thought I loved you but I didn't show it or maybe I didn't mean it. For deceitfulness, I'm sorry. I manipulated you, had you thinking you were doing wrong. I made you think you had a winner when all in all I was a loser. I lost you. I put you through hell to make you think you were getting to Heaven. It wasn't true. I didn't know how to love. I didn't love me. I couldn't love you. I didn't know how to love what you represented. Trusting you? Trusting myself? Trusting the present and trusting the future. As I sit and reflect, no excuses. No reasons why, just the purest sincerist apology. You are a wonderful being and I was lucky to have a chance to experience you in your unalloyed form. I should have wiped your tears when you cried. I should have soothed your body when you hurt. I should have helped you up when you were falling. I'm sorry.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Headache
Boom boom booming
Throbbing pounding paining
Pain in my head
pain in my heart
Pain in my body
The pain in my mind
I wish the pain didn't start.
We are all born into the world with the slightest understanding of what life really means. We are conceived by the meeting of an egg and a sperm. In the womb, some of us are protected and shielded from emotional pain. Some us aren't. Some of us are born into a world filled with chaos and unpredictability. While some of us are given the comfort and structure of a loving family knowing our needs will always be met. KABOOM!
Development and time work hand in hand to change the simple basics and make them more and more complicated. Reality sets in and life is nothing but a journey toward death. This journey is mixed with obstacles, discoveries, pleasurable sites and feelings. But that feeling of love for another person is the most pleasurable, confusing, longest lasting, and most painful part of this journey.
To Be Continued.......
Throbbing pounding paining
Pain in my head
pain in my heart
Pain in my body
The pain in my mind
I wish the pain didn't start.
We are all born into the world with the slightest understanding of what life really means. We are conceived by the meeting of an egg and a sperm. In the womb, some of us are protected and shielded from emotional pain. Some us aren't. Some of us are born into a world filled with chaos and unpredictability. While some of us are given the comfort and structure of a loving family knowing our needs will always be met. KABOOM!
Development and time work hand in hand to change the simple basics and make them more and more complicated. Reality sets in and life is nothing but a journey toward death. This journey is mixed with obstacles, discoveries, pleasurable sites and feelings. But that feeling of love for another person is the most pleasurable, confusing, longest lasting, and most painful part of this journey.
To Be Continued.......
Need You To Survive
Dear God,
I'm not depressed or anything. I'm not fighting suicidal thoughts. But I'm wondering, when are things going to get better for me? They recite, "Cast your (my) burdens upon me (you)". And God believe me I try. But I'm constantly wondering, "when are things going to get better for me?" Sometimes I cry. You know, "WHAT DID I DO???" I try my best to play it safe. Away from people, I stay. Then I get lonely. I get sooooo lonely that I think I'm going crazy. I bring myself out of my shell. I find that all these people like me. Then I get scared, worried, nervous and I disappear. I see all these problems in people that I am able to help them fix. Then my life turns for the worse and these people no longer exist. I'm alone. I get sad, I get depressed, and then I become hateful. I hate deceit. I hate lies. I hate misconceptions. So I try to be honest at all times. You get what you give, right? I get "you use the wrong tone". It's not what you say, it is how you say. I shut up and don't say anything because "the truth hurts". I get looked at as too soft. I'm a push over. So I toughen up. I'm too aggressive. I isolate myself. You're not approachable. I become too trusting of the wrong type. I become suspicious of the overly honest self and I run. All alone and scared but I cast my burdens upon you God and appreciate what I am. I am grateful. My crutch. The reason why I wake up and start talking. I smile, aware of what I do have. I'm alone realizing things are always getting better for me. I'm blessed. Thank You.
Your Earthly Angel
I walk the path of righteousness not because it is easy. I walk this path because it is hard. And every day I wake up, fearful that it is getting too hard, I look back and remember where I came from and where I could have been. So I keep on walking full force ahead.
I'm not depressed or anything. I'm not fighting suicidal thoughts. But I'm wondering, when are things going to get better for me? They recite, "Cast your (my) burdens upon me (you)". And God believe me I try. But I'm constantly wondering, "when are things going to get better for me?" Sometimes I cry. You know, "WHAT DID I DO???" I try my best to play it safe. Away from people, I stay. Then I get lonely. I get sooooo lonely that I think I'm going crazy. I bring myself out of my shell. I find that all these people like me. Then I get scared, worried, nervous and I disappear. I see all these problems in people that I am able to help them fix. Then my life turns for the worse and these people no longer exist. I'm alone. I get sad, I get depressed, and then I become hateful. I hate deceit. I hate lies. I hate misconceptions. So I try to be honest at all times. You get what you give, right? I get "you use the wrong tone". It's not what you say, it is how you say. I shut up and don't say anything because "the truth hurts". I get looked at as too soft. I'm a push over. So I toughen up. I'm too aggressive. I isolate myself. You're not approachable. I become too trusting of the wrong type. I become suspicious of the overly honest self and I run. All alone and scared but I cast my burdens upon you God and appreciate what I am. I am grateful. My crutch. The reason why I wake up and start talking. I smile, aware of what I do have. I'm alone realizing things are always getting better for me. I'm blessed. Thank You.
Your Earthly Angel
I walk the path of righteousness not because it is easy. I walk this path because it is hard. And every day I wake up, fearful that it is getting too hard, I look back and remember where I came from and where I could have been. So I keep on walking full force ahead.
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